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I’ll take broken vessels over “perfect people”.

I’ll take a puppy's slobbering licks of genuine affection over the false embraces of fake humans.


I’ll take a mother’s lullaby over a maestro's masterpiece.


I’ll take truthful talks over luscious lips.


I’ll take earnest ears over auricles that yearn for sweet nothings.


I’ll take grandma’s braids over salon’s fades.


I’ll take healing hands over skilled fingers.


I’ll take a crooked nose over an artificial one.


I’ll take a freckled face with fearless eyes,

blemished skin that house boldness within,

and scars that carry splendid stories

over supercilious spotless skin.


I’ll take a kind tongue over one that can tie a cherry stem into a knot.


I’ll take humble eyes that hold infinite empathy over spellbinding orbs.


I’ll take the battered body of a soldier with a broken back that still refuses to bow in the face of injustice.


I’ll take a spirit that has been crushed and yet only releases a sweet fragrance for the ones around it.


I’ll take a soul that’s seen suffering unspeakable and still finds the strength to be kind to others.


But I wish I were also strong enough to take growing pains over fleeting pleasures.


I wish I were strong enough to take the ugly truth over beautiful lies.


I wish I were strong enough to take the high road over easy escapes.


I wish I were strong enough to choose healthy habits over addictions that help to cope and survive temporarily.


I wish I could live up to all the things I believe to be pure and noble.


But I guess that’s humanity... We wish for a lot of things we know we can’t truly live up to.


So for now, I’ll take whatever comes my way

and try to survive so I can witness the days

when my hairs are grey.

So that with my grandchildren I can play.

But that’s still a long way...

Until then I need to make sure that my soul doesn’t stray too far away from the quay where they dock all the souls that are holding onto life despite dismay.
Because if I can’t keep my spirit intact until that day when I can see my grandchildren play as my children replay for me the sweet memories of the times when we used to trouble their mother with our swordplay in cosplays and the utter chaos of sundae sundays… Well... then all of this will have been in vain.

The pain of surviving this hell called "life" will have been but a misunderstood overstay for an uninvited guest at this ballet of life.


My children… the rays of pure joy like the firstborn rays of light from the virgin flames of the incipient sun… I remember… I remember when you came barging into my life, shattering the doorway to my dark castle. And suddenly, I could see a stairway to heaven itself. And when you came, I believed that perhaps even someone as broken and damaged as me could find their way to heaven. But such has been my pathway that I have forever been doomed to foray every good thing that comes my way. And so, here I sit today, having run you away by suffocating you with my overbearing play of jealousy. It was probably the hurt and trauma of my childhood days that still ricochet in the archways and alleyways of my heart that made me mistake control for love. It was probably my fear of losing the greatest blessings in my life that made me act that way. Perhaps I was too caught up in not becoming the monster that raised me that I did not realise the monster in me was causing you pain in other ways. But that doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late to slay that monster within me now. And for a man as wretched as me, I was still with days far too blessed and joyful beyond my share.


So maybe it’s time for me to join my wonderful wife in the afterlife. But then again, they say that angels like her go to heaven, and demons like me…

So right now… I am trying to weigh all of it and determine if it’s really worth it to hold on longer. But there will never be any certainty that it will pay off. So I think I will just stay for as long as I can.
I’ll sway to the morning melody that the songbirds and the chirps of little children horseplaying around this breezeway create.
I'll gaze at the controlled chaos of a busy noonday.
I’ll slowly decay, holding on for as long as I can, paying close attention to this dismal soiree.


And maybe someday, someway, life will repay me for all the mental disarray it’s thrown my way and let me enjoy a birthday or two of my grandchildren where I can finally look back, wave, and say, “It’s been a long way. My pathway was like an ashtray filled with bouquets of misery and dismay. But I’m glad that I waded through this disastrous seaway. I think I can now close my eyes in peace. Good day!”